Written By: Samson's Good Friend Jamie
11.
FADE IN
INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - BLAND ROOMSteve, an average looking man, sits in a chair. The room he is in is rather bland, and small. He's sitting in the middle of the room.
Across from Steve is a TV set.
Steve blinks slowly. He seems bored, due to the static on the TV.
The channel is flipped. Static.
The channel is flipped. Static.
KNOCK. KNOCK.
The side door opens. It's Augustus!
Hey Steve. Could you change the channel? I've seen this one.
The Audience roars in LAUGHTER.
Steve holds the remote to his head. CLICK. A mustache appears on Steve's face. CLICK. Mustache gone. Now it's a tie. CLICK. Afro. CLICK. Sport Cap. CLICK. Shades.
AUDIENCE: "ewooohhhhh."
Augustus sits next to Steve.
Augustus
C'mon now. You know what I meant.
Steve holds the remote to his head. CLICK. BOOM, Steve's head explodes.
CUT TO.
INT. BLAND ROOM ON FIRE
Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite shades kicks down the door to the Bland Room. He rushes over to a another Steve lying unconscious in the middle of the room. Sleeping next to Steve is Frank, the Pineapple.
Ninja Pineapples block his path. Steve must battle the pineapples.
Steve attempts to use low kick. But the pineapples roll to the side. Every shot is a miss. The Pineapples attack back by lighting one of their own on fire and throwing it at Steve. Very ninja.
A quick moon walk avoids disaster. Luckily, Steve ponders a secret move and snaps his fingers. Within an instant the door KNOCKs.
Steve answers the door. It's a Pizza Chef, who seems rather insane. Drool flows out of his gaping mouth as the Pizza Chef notices the pineapples. The Pizza Chef channels all his insanity into his nun-pizza-cutter-chucks.
BAM. POW. SLICE.
Steve answers the door. It's a Pizza Chef, who seems rather insane. Drool flows out of his gaping mouth as the Pizza Chef notices the pineapples. The Pizza Chef channels all his insanity into his nun-pizza-cutter-chucks.
BAM. POW. SLICE.
The defeated Pineapples echo a death call: " WERRRRRAAAHEHEEHEHEEEFFFFFFFFLLLEE"
With a Sicilian kiss, the Pizza Chef exits the room.
With a Sicilian kiss, the Pizza Chef exits the room.
Frank, the Pineapple wakes up from his slumber. He ROARS, and EPIC TECHNO FIGHTING MUSIC fills the room. As the beat increases, Frank stares down Steve and swallows pills. An energy field begins to grow around Frank. Negative Chi.
Steve prepares, deep breaths, gets in tune with the music.
Frank fires a sneak attack. Suddenly he appears behind Steve, and throws a upper-leaf. Steve blocks, but then Frank grabs Steve and suplex him to the ground.
Frank swallows more pills, making his energy field stronger. Standing on top of Steve, who is lying on top of unconscious Steve, Frank prepares his ultimate move.
Steve is hurting.
KABOOM. Steve is launched through the side of the house, by Frank's Ultimate Pineapple Cannon Of Near But Delicious Doom.
Frank swallows more pills, making his energy field stronger. Standing on top of Steve, who is lying on top of unconscious Steve, Frank prepares his ultimate move.
Steve is hurting.
KABOOM. Steve is launched through the side of the house, by Frank's Ultimate Pineapple Cannon Of Near But Delicious Doom.
FADE OUT.
12.
FADE IN
INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - BOWLING ALLEYA bowling alley is packed full. Every lane full of Spanish Beaver families. One by one they bowl near perfect games, as tonight is the major tournament.
CRASH.
The front door comes flies open. A tall Wooden Man dashes into the bowling alley, he's wearing a large dome head, bearing a dull stare and wide smile. In his hand is a small laser gun.
The Wooden Man runs towards the Spanish Beaver Families, who are all deeply engaged in their tournament.
One by one the Wooden Man lasers the Beavers, ruining the tournament.
Near the end of the alley sits Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite shades. Steve seems bored.
Upon reaching Steve, the Wooden Man stops. Steve bears the peace sign. The Wooden Man watches Steve closely, but side steps past him.
Moving in towards the next Beaver family, the Wooden Man jumps back to face Steve.
BANG.
The Wooden Man falls to the ground. Standing in front of the fallen Wooden Man is Steve, holding a gun. He has a smile across his face.
SIRENS. A small police car comes flooring through the front door. Speeding all the way down to Steve. The car is barely bigger than his shoe.
The tiny car comes to a sudden halt. The doors fly open, and out come tiny guns in uniforms. Steve's gun jumps out of his hand and puts up it's hands, as the Gun Police hold up even tinier guns to arrest Steve's gun.
The Gun Police throw Steve's Gun in the back of their car and they drive off out the front door.
CUT TO.
INT. BLAND ROOM ON FIRE.
Frank, the Pineapple, is throwing a party. He seems quite happy about it too. Steve, an average looking man, is lying on floor unconscious in the middle of the room, which is on fire.
None of the Lizards partying seem to notice Steve on the ground or the fire.
The Lizards smoke large cigars, and drink tequila. Frank djs surrounded by Raptors, real vicious Lizards. Gold chains hide each of the Raptors necks.
Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite shades, tries to sneak into the party through the window. Unfortunately an Umbrella making out with a Coat by such window notices Steve being sneaky. The Umbrella informs Frank.
Frank snaps his leaves and a pair of odd Lizards rolls a catapult into the room. Lizards in bikinis surround Steve. Two Raptors laugh in their approach. No need for their skills with such an easy catch.
The Raptors put Steve onto the catapult, and tie him down. The Bikini Lizards dance and laugh around him, as he's forced to wait.
Frank continues the party.
The BEAT gets faster. Faster. Faster. Faster. And BAM, launch. Frank LAUGHS, as Steve is sent to the heavens.
13.
Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite shades, is walking down a path. ENTRANCING MYSTICAL MUSIC pounds through the trees.
Steve seems ready for anything.
Not far from Steve is the clearing. Closer he gets, the louder the music becomes. Soon neon flashes fill the tree line.
Upon entering the clearing, Steve enters a new world. A magical world holding a massive psychedelic party.
Wizards circle around Steve as he enters. They giggle away and throw small moon rocks at his head, then fly off bearing their tongues on their escape.
Frank, the Pineapple, is throwing a party. He seems quite happy about it too. Steve, an average looking man, is lying on floor unconscious in the middle of the room, which is on fire.
None of the Lizards partying seem to notice Steve on the ground or the fire.
The Lizards smoke large cigars, and drink tequila. Frank djs surrounded by Raptors, real vicious Lizards. Gold chains hide each of the Raptors necks.
Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite shades, tries to sneak into the party through the window. Unfortunately an Umbrella making out with a Coat by such window notices Steve being sneaky. The Umbrella informs Frank.
Frank snaps his leaves and a pair of odd Lizards rolls a catapult into the room. Lizards in bikinis surround Steve. Two Raptors laugh in their approach. No need for their skills with such an easy catch.
The Raptors put Steve onto the catapult, and tie him down. The Bikini Lizards dance and laugh around him, as he's forced to wait.
Frank continues the party.
The BEAT gets faster. Faster. Faster. Faster. And BAM, launch. Frank LAUGHS, as Steve is sent to the heavens.
FADE OUT.
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????..........N/A........ LOAD.......ERROR.........???????????
?????????????.........LOADING..... LILITH........?????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????..........N/A........ LOAD.......ERROR.........???????????
?????????????.........LOADING..... LILITH........?????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
"He, he, he"
*.
FADE IN.
EXT. SECRET NAZI BASE
A piercing ALARM rings throughout the base, which comprises of a single building with a large window watching a ramp holding a large rocket. The base is surrounded by trees, and the single clearing is heavily guarded and gated.
Two guards repeatedly retrace their steps by a large wooden gate. A few feet past them stands a third guard holding a bright light, he seems a little dumb.
A BEAT can be faintly heard. The Guards lose track of where they stepped.
The BEAT can really be heard now, it's a GROOVY TROPICAL BEAT.
KABOOM!
Something beyond the gate explodes. The Dumb Guard knees shake. The two Guards bump into each other.
The TROPICAL BEAT gets louder.
KABOOM!
Another explosion.
The Dumb Guard is really shaking now.
KNOCK. KNOCK.
The Two Guards stare at each other dumb founded.
KNOCK. KNOCK.
Lady
Uh, hello!
The closer Guard rattles his hand towards the gate handle.
It's a Lady in a Red Dress, an average looking Lady except her right eye has a random twitch. Perched on her shoulders is a boombox, blasting the TROPICAL BEATS.
The Lady waves at the guards. They respond by giving each other another dumbfounded look.
BANG. BANG.
The Two Guards grab their genital region and fall to the ground. The Dumb Guard shakes his head out of confusion.
The Lady walks over to the Dumb Guard, smiling as she walks towards him. The Dumb Guard blushes.
Putting down the boombox, the Lady pokes the Dumb Guard.
Lady
Hi.
BANG.
Before the Dumb Guard could even ponder a thought, the Lady in the Red Dress blasted his balls to the pits of hell. And the Dumb Guard fell over to his dumb death. He bore no dumb children. Thankfully, the Lady thought.
The Lady WHISTLES, and starts to run towards the rocket.
THUD. THUD. THUD.
A T-Rex runs towards the gate.
A Nazi Scientist runs out from the building, waving his arms at the Lady.
BANG.
The Lady in the Red Dress shoots the Scientist in the dick, and doesn't stop running. Her face doesn't even change as she shoots. This one is determined.
The Lady in the Red Dress sits in the rocket beside her trusty pal, George, the T-Rex.
Lady
C'mon George, these fucks can suck it.
The cockpit closes, and the deadly duo are sent off into the night sky.
FADE OUT.
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????..........N/A........ LOAD........ERROR.........??????????
?????????????.......EXITING.............????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
13.
FADE IN.
INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - FOREST PATH / CLEARINGSteve, an average looking man wearing his favorite shades, is walking down a path. ENTRANCING MYSTICAL MUSIC pounds through the trees.
Steve seems ready for anything.
Not far from Steve is the clearing. Closer he gets, the louder the music becomes. Soon neon flashes fill the tree line.
Upon entering the clearing, Steve enters a new world. A magical world holding a massive psychedelic party.
Wizards circle around Steve as he enters. They giggle away and throw small moon rocks at his head, then fly off bearing their tongues on their escape.
Past some trees, a group of Lizards huddle in secret. They eyeball Steve as he walks by.
An Elegant Lady dances by the moonlight. She twirls gracefully, yet she bears no partner. Her face remains hidden behind a pale mask. The lights flip, and she vanishes, as her partner fills her place. A Suave Man, hiding behind the same mask.
By the washrooms, a trio of Devils huddle together. A pair of Fairies walk over and shake their hands.
The MUSIC gets DEEPER, DARKER. The woods become twisted. Shadows come out and play.
Steve is lost.
An Elegant Lady dances by the moonlight. She twirls gracefully, yet she bears no partner. Her face remains hidden behind a pale mask. The lights flip, and she vanishes, as her partner fills her place. A Suave Man, hiding behind the same mask.
By the washrooms, a trio of Devils huddle together. A pair of Fairies walk over and shake their hands.
The MUSIC gets DEEPER, DARKER. The woods become twisted. Shadows come out and play.
Steve is lost.
Space Monkeys laugh at Steve, they know far too well what he's going through. They laugh and laugh, sending him further down a hole of madness.
A wooden signs points Steve towards a plump Wizard, who's smoking a pipe, and juggling a globe and a cactus. The Wizard sits in a small hut with no roof. Only three walls and a large pillow. The Wizard signals Steve to come over to him.
Snapping his fingers, The Wizard summons an animated loaf of rye bread, who carries a silver platter. On the sliver platter is a small bite sized rocket ship. Steve eats the rocket ship.
In seconds his head begins to shake, and Steve is launched into space.
CUT TO.
INT. BLAND ROOM ON FIRE.
Frank, the Pineapple, is making shady deals with some Raptors on the ceiling of the room. Steve, an average looking man, lies unconscious on the middle of the floor.
Outside through the window, peaks in Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite shades.
Some Lizards smoke cigarettes around Unconscious Steve.
KNOCK. KNOCK. Someone is at the door. A Lizard, with an obviously fake wig on, answers the door.
KNOCK. KNOCK. Someone is at the door. A Lizard, with an obviously fake wig on, answers the door.
No one's there.
Steve uses this moment to sneak into the room. He prepared by bringing a Lizard mask.
KNOCK. KNOCK.
Same Lizard answers the door again. No one.
Steve uses the moment to launch a sneak attack. He dive kicks the Raptor on the left, and gravity flips. Frank is now on the floor. Steve prepares a rocket ship.
KNOCK. KNOCK.
The door flies open. It's a bush. All the Lizards barely notice. Frank attempts to gather his chi, but Steve eats the rocket ship and bursts with positive chi, slowing down time. Steve prepares his fingers into a gun for a finishing blast.
In a flash, the TV, dressed in business attire, jumps out from the bush and attacks Steve, knocking him unconscious.
FADE OUT.
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