Written by: Samson's Good Friend, Jamie
6.
6.
FADE IN.
INT. TV SET - CLOSE UP - BLAND ROOM ON SET
Steve is wearing a gold chain. His face is hidden as he stares at the ground.
Across from Steve is a TV set. On the TV is static, which sounds like MACHINE GUNS FIRING.
Frank, the pineapple, is passed out behind Steve. A few empty bottles of whiskey sit by him.
Augustus sits in the back corner.
Augustus
As your attorney, I'd advise you
to lay low for awhile.
Steve lifts his head up. There's a smile running across his face.
CUT TO.
INT. BLAND ROOM
Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite gold chain, is having a party. Strobe lights fill the room every second. Loud BASS MUSIC pounds through the room.
Butts twerk along the walls, forming a bright rainbow as we circle around the room. Around and around. Until the spinning stops by Frank, the pineapple, who is buying a bag full of the letter M, from a tall lizard.
Steve is lying down in the middle of the room. He seems so happy, while he stares at the ceiling. The butts start to circle around his head.
Steve lets go of a small giggle. 'He'. 'He'. 'He'.
Frank rolls over to Steve, waving off the butts with his groovy leaves. They scatter.
Frank puts a letter M into Steve's mouth and Steve's grin grows two inches wider.
Augustus sits by the window. A CRACK of lightning flashes through the window, displaying another Bland room. This room is covered in blood.
Steve shivers.
FADE OUT.
7.
FADE IN
INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - CASTLE"S THRONE ROOM.Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite gold chain, is battling a massive red dragon. Every where within the Throne Room is on fire, except for a wide circle by the throne. The throne is 20 feet tall, and perched on top is the dragon.
In Steve's hands are a machine gun. As the bullets fly out of the gun, Steve bears a wide smile. LAUGHTER pours out of Steve's mouth.
Bullets ricochet off the dragon, who seems to be only growing angrier, as more and more bullets hit it.
LAUGHTER echoes within the room.
Steve stands tall, his gun never stops firing.
LAUGHTER.
The dragon takes a deep breath.
Fire erupts out of the dragons mouth like a volcano giving birth.
Steve is engulfed in fire, but his LAUGHTER never stops, it merely fuels his machine gun.
CUT TO.
INT. BLAND ROOM
In the middle of the room, under a desk, is Steve, an average looking man. Steve is rocking back and forth. He doesn't seem to be happy at all.
A party is going on around Steve. The MUSIC is confusing, and rather disorientating. Cactus's bearing disappointed faces form a circle around the desk. They jiggle in a laggy fashion almost as if they couldn't be rendered properly.
LAUGHTER cut across Steve's mind from all angles. He rocks faster.
Frank, the pineapple rolls over to Steve. Frank is wearing his favorite sunglasses. Out of Frank's groovy leaves pops out a cigarette.
As Steve grabs the cigarette, it lights up in an instant. Steve takes a puff using his eye, in through one eye and out through the other.
A small and unsure smile widens across Steve's face. He rocks a little slower.
The LAUGHTER gets a little quieter.
FADE OUT.
A well lit factory sprawls across the screen. Machines all roaring at work, and conveyor belts drop off peanuts. The conveyor belts seem to stretch on forever.
At the other end of the warehouse dolphins strapped to tickle machines are pooping onto the conveyor belt. A closer look reveals their poop to be the peanuts.
Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite gold chain, comes flying into the warehouse through an open window. A grin fills his face.
Steve dive bombs the conveyor belt. With a mighty ROAR, Steve erupts fire out of his mouth as he flies over the peanuts. All the peanut shells burst open as the nuts run for safety.
Landing close to the dolphins, Steve attempts to breath fire onto the dolphins, but the dolphins block the fire with their silly voices.
A Green Dolphin makes a SILLY NOISE, and all peanut shells burst open in the factory. Nuts come charging towards Steve.
In seconds Steve is covered by nuts.
9.
Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite gold chain, is in the dance battle for his life against two Giant Cats with laser meows.
Steve is pulling off his best moves, the jiggly figgly, rolls out to the favlo mablavo. The Giant Cats counter with their laser cheap move #2.
The Judges who are all mice, sit in the back gobbling cheese. They aren't even paying attention.
The score clock says 72-64 Cats. 2 minutes left in the quarter period.
Steve pulls a charming but maniacal grin across his face. In a flash he darts to the sky to pull the ultimate dance move ever possible. The Gamegachunkafloopdamoopdamopdesopdedeglorp majiggy. BOOM. The Giant Cats turn to stone, and the Mice Judges fly into the upper Judges plates, who are all Snakes.
The score board explodes.
WHOOP WHOOP. Police Crabs come rolling into the arena.
WHACK. A baton nails Steve in the back of the head.
Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite gold chain, is floating within the clouds. PEACEFUL MUSIC soars throughout the sky from harps of neon.
Steve seems happy. Relaxed.
Just as he starts to doze off, a large portal a few feet away from Steve, is kicked open. A pair of Aggressive Cupcakes come somersaulting out of the portal. Both of them pull out odd guns with multiple large holes in the front.
They march over to Steve, who is too out of it to know what's going on.
Standing over Steve, the Cupcakes aim their guns. They pull their triggers.
Steve is bombarded with knees and elbows flying out of the guns. But he doesn't feel a thing.
8.
FADE IN
INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - PEANUT FACTORYA well lit factory sprawls across the screen. Machines all roaring at work, and conveyor belts drop off peanuts. The conveyor belts seem to stretch on forever.
At the other end of the warehouse dolphins strapped to tickle machines are pooping onto the conveyor belt. A closer look reveals their poop to be the peanuts.
Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite gold chain, comes flying into the warehouse through an open window. A grin fills his face.
Steve dive bombs the conveyor belt. With a mighty ROAR, Steve erupts fire out of his mouth as he flies over the peanuts. All the peanut shells burst open as the nuts run for safety.
Landing close to the dolphins, Steve attempts to breath fire onto the dolphins, but the dolphins block the fire with their silly voices.
A Green Dolphin makes a SILLY NOISE, and all peanut shells burst open in the factory. Nuts come charging towards Steve.
In seconds Steve is covered by nuts.
CUT TO:
INT. BLAND ROOM
Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite gold chain, is sitting on a crate by the back corner of the room. He's cracking his knuckles with a dull grin across his face.
Sitting in a chair in the center of the room is Augustus. He's watching TV. Across from Augustus, over by the wall, is Frank, the Pineapple. He's blowing bubbles while a nice lady massages his leaves.
A bottle of whiskey rolls over to Steve, oddly it's a square bottle.
Sitting in a chair in the center of the room is Augustus. He's watching TV. Across from Augustus, over by the wall, is Frank, the Pineapple. He's blowing bubbles while a nice lady massages his leaves.
A bottle of whiskey rolls over to Steve, oddly it's a square bottle.
Steve picks up the bottle, and removes the lid with his thumb. Upon opening the bottle white powder puffs out all over Steve's face, as a Genie floats to his freedom. With a flick of a wand all the white powder is sent up Steve's face.
The Genie nods his head and disappears into a flash of smoke.
The Genie nods his head and disappears into a flash of smoke.
Steve's grin forms a small smile. He stands up and opens the lid to the crate a tiny amount. Out from the crack is disco lights and music.
Steve bears a pleasant smile.
FADE OUT.
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????..........N/A........ LOAD.......ERROR.........???????????
?????????????.........LOADING..... LILITH........???????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
"He, he, he"
FADE IN.
EXT. PREHISTORIC JUNGLE
A Village lies within a clearing in a savage jungle. All the Village folk gather around a statue of a Goddess holding a pistol to the sky.
The Villagers CHEER aggressively.
Some strangling Villagers throw the last stacks of wood, and coconuts full of black powder and a wick.
The Villagers really CHEER aggressively now, as a Runner holding a torch sprints towards the statue.
As the Runner makes it to the statue, about to throw the torch, a mighty ROAR is heard from the tree line.
SCREAMING comes next.
The Villagers run to the edge of their village.
Burning every hut in sight is a 12 foot T-Rex. Fire bursts out the T-Rex's mouth, and riding on it's back is the Goddess, an average looking Goddess except her right eye has a random twitch.
The Goddess bursts out in LAUGHTER, as fire spreads all around her.
The Villagers run in fear. But this only excites the Goddess and her mighty stead, sending them for a thrill of a chase. Villagers fall over to a crispy death. Huts and farms turn to tinder. The Goddess never ends her LAUGH.
Goddess
AHAHAHA. Eat this you fucks!
A pair of Villagers try to beg, but the Goddess only feeds them to her friend.
The Village burns into chaos.
The Village Chief walks out to the statue, and falls to his knees. Arms spread wide open to the sky.
THUD. THUD. THUD.
The Goddess and her T-Rex walk in behind the Chief.
Goddess
Oh look George, another meal for ya.
Suddenly a Viking Wizard jumps out from behind the statue.
BANG.
The Goddess, quickly shoots the magic arrow out of the Viking Wizard's hand.
The arrow lands by the Chief, who picks it up and immediately blows up sending him into the base of the statue.
KABOOM!
The Chief causes the statue to blow sky high, revealing the full moon.
The Viking Wizard presses two fingers to his forehead and points to the moon, in full view of the Goddess.
In a flash the Viking Wizard shoots out to the moon.
The Goddess barely fazed by all that happened, jumps off her mount and walks over to the ruined heap which used to be her statue.
A stream of moon light lifts the arrow in front of the Goddess. She takes hold of the arrow and,
POOF, she's gone.
FADE OUT.
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????..........N/A........ LOAD........ERROR.........??????????
?????????????.......EXITING.............????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
FADE IN
INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - DISCO BATTLE ARENASteve, an average looking man wearing his favorite gold chain, is in the dance battle for his life against two Giant Cats with laser meows.
Steve is pulling off his best moves, the jiggly figgly, rolls out to the favlo mablavo. The Giant Cats counter with their laser cheap move #2.
The Judges who are all mice, sit in the back gobbling cheese. They aren't even paying attention.
The score clock says 72-64 Cats. 2 minutes left in the quarter period.
Steve pulls a charming but maniacal grin across his face. In a flash he darts to the sky to pull the ultimate dance move ever possible. The Gamegachunkafloopdamoopdamopdesopdedeglorp majiggy. BOOM. The Giant Cats turn to stone, and the Mice Judges fly into the upper Judges plates, who are all Snakes.
The score board explodes.
WHOOP WHOOP. Police Crabs come rolling into the arena.
WHACK. A baton nails Steve in the back of the head.
CUT TO.
INT. BLAND ROOM
The room flashes between a deep purple and a bright neon green. DISCO MUSIC fills the beat. Groovy looking people jiggle to the disco. Frank, the pineapple is being tossed around by a bunch of good looking people. All are cheering.
Steve, an average looking man is dancing his heart off, sending vibes of joy all throughout his body. Perched on top of his head is a letter M. This M is massaging Steve's head with one pair of hands, and he caresses another pair while grinning to itself.
Augustus stands by the door. Within a single purple - green cycle he's gone.
Frank, the Pineapple rolls over to Steve. With a small giggle, Frank places a letter M over Steve's heart. Steve starts to jiggle.
FADE OUT.
10.
FADE IN
INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - HEAVENSteve, an average looking man wearing his favorite gold chain, is floating within the clouds. PEACEFUL MUSIC soars throughout the sky from harps of neon.
Steve seems happy. Relaxed.
Just as he starts to doze off, a large portal a few feet away from Steve, is kicked open. A pair of Aggressive Cupcakes come somersaulting out of the portal. Both of them pull out odd guns with multiple large holes in the front.
They march over to Steve, who is too out of it to know what's going on.
Standing over Steve, the Cupcakes aim their guns. They pull their triggers.
Steve is bombarded with knees and elbows flying out of the guns. But he doesn't feel a thing.
CUT TO.
INT. BLAND ROOM
Steve, an average looking man, is lying down in the middle of the room. He seems unresponsive, as Frank, the Pineapple tosses glitter and downs tequila.
A massive fire engulfs the entirety of the room.
With a zap of lightning, Augustus alongside Steve appear sitting on the ceiling in chairs. Steve is wearing his favorite gold chain.
Augustus gestures toward the scene playing out in the middle of the room.
Steve stares at the Steve lying on the floor. His bitter grin turns into a disappointed realization. Shaking his head Steve forms his hand into a gun.
Putting his fingers to his head, Steve closes his eyes.
BANG.
FADE OUT.
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