Written by: Samson's good pal Jamie.
1.
FADE IN
INT. TV SET - CLOSE UP - BLAND ROOM ON SET
Steve, an average looking man, sits in a chair. The room he is in, is rather bland and small. He's sitting in the middle of the room.
Across from Steve is a TV set.
Steve blinks slowly. He seems bored, due to the static on the TV.
The channel is flipped. Static.
The channel is flipped. Static.
In the back corner of the room, Augustus his house plant sits.
Augustus
Hey.
Steve is unfazed by Augustus's words.
Augustus
Hey Steve. Could you change the channel? I've seen this one.
INT. TV - CLOSE UP to 360 TURN - BLAND ROOM
The Camera Man pulls back from the TV set. Angle on BLAND ROOM. POV SHOT.
Pulling back from the TV, the Camera Man turns out facing the other side of the room. On the ceiling of the room is a chair. Behind the chair is Steve, an average looking Man. Steve peaks out from behind the chair, and aims his fingers like a gun towards the Camera Man.
BANG. BANG. BANG.
The Camera Man jumps to the side of the room and faces the TV. The Police are banging on the TV screen.
Police
Police. Open up or we'll kick it down.
The Camera Man twists his camera to the right. Augustus takes up the whole screen. He reaches through the screen and covers your mouth. In a soft Arabian accent he speaks:
Augustus
Shhhh. It doesn't matter.
FADE OUT
2.
INT. TV SET - CLOSE UP
The screen is black, except for bright lasers flashing across the screen. HEAVY TECHNO MUSIC plays.
The beat gets faster as time goes forward.
Slowly appearing on the screen. Starting from her golden blond hair down to her studded boots, is a rather large Women. As the screen pans down further, Steve, an average looking man, is sitting with his face to the ground and his butt to the sky.
The Women is slapping his butt along side the beat of the music.
INT. TV - CLOSE UP to 360 TURN - BLAND ROOM
The Camera Man pulls back from the TV set. Angle on BLAND ROOM. POV SHOT.
Pulling back from the TV, the Camera Man turns out facing the other side of the room. In the middle of the room is Steve, an average looking man, sitting in a chair. In front of Steve is a table. On the two sides of the table, Frank the Pineapple, and the Camera Man are sitting.
The Camera Man at the table faces the Camera Man in front of the TV. They stare at each other without movement.
In the corner of the Shot. Frank pulls out cocaine.
Frank turns towards Steve.
Steve nods his head upwards.
The Camera Men are still staring at each other. The Camera Man at the table turns towards the table. Camera Man by the TV centers the SHOT on the table. Camera Man, by the table, puts his camera nose first onto the table. SNORTING can be heard. The camera snorts a line of blow.
Steve puts his finger onto the table and snorts a line through his finger. He seems bored the whole time he does it.
A straw pops out of Frank, right under his shades. Frank snorts a line.
Frank starts shaking. Frank explodes.
FADE OUT.
3.
INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - MOUNTAIN RANGE
A butterfly flies across the screen. The majestic butterfly with wings of snowflakes soars above an active volcano.
On top of the butterfly is Steve, an average looking man sitting in a chair. Steve seems bored.
Out from nowhere, Ninjas jump at Steve. Upon landing, they take turns kicking Steve. High kicks. Low kicks. None of the kicks have an affect on Steve though. He remains bored, he even yawns. The Ninjas don't give up easily though, now they're kicking and punching. High kick. Low punch. Insane combos. Yet, Steve remains bored. Again he yawns.
Steve snaps his fingers. The majestic butterfly nods it's head, and dive bombs towards the lava.
INT. TV - CLOSE UP to 360 TURN - BLAND ROOM
The Camera Man pulls back from the TV set. Angle on BLAND ROOM. POV SHOT.
Pulling back from the TV, the Camera Man turns out facing the other side of the room. There sitting in the middle of the room on a chair, is Steve, an average looking man. Squirrels are playing basketball on top of Steve's head.
Steve sits, lost in thought.
The squirrels can't manage to score a basket.
The Camera Man, grabs a fold-out chair from the side of the room and sits down. His arm appears on the screen as he checks the time. He TAPS his foot.
The door, that's suddenly beside the Camera Man, KNOCKS. Three large men enter the room. They walk over to Steve. One of them holds up a picture of a plant.
Steve shrugs and points his fingers, like a gun, towards the Camera Man. The three men each nod, then walk over to the Camera Man.
One of them holds up the picture of a plant. The screen shakes. The three men frown and give each other a nod.
A punch comes flying towards the screen. Static.
FADE OUT.
FADE OUT.
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????..........N/A........ LOAD.......ERROR.........???????????
?????????????.........LOADING..... LILITH........???????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
"He, he, he"
*.
FADE IN.
INT. WILD WEST - BROTHEL
The front doors to the Brothel fly open. It's a Cowgirl, an average looking cowgirl except her right eye has a random twitch. She bears a silver pistol in one hand and a bottle of x x whiskey in the other.
Cowgirl
All right you pervs. Hands off your
dicks, I'm here to rob you.
A quick scan of the brothel shows the Cowgirl it just so happens to be a female only brothel. With a HMM, the Cowgirl takes a gulp of whiskey.
The Frog-man behind the bar COUGHS, twice.
The Cowgirl strolls over to the bar. WHISTLING as she goes. All the Ladies stare at the Cowgirl.
Upon reaching the bar, the Cowgirl leans real close to the Frog-man, and stares into his eye with her twitchy eye.
Out of her back pocket, the Cowgirl pulls out a jar containing three flies, and holds it up to the Frog-man's other eye.
Frog-man GULPS.
A wide smile fills the Cowgirl's face, as she unscrews the jar lid slowly.
Frog-man can barely hold it in, as he begins to sweat and vibrate with anxiety.
The lid is off, and the flies escape.
Frog-man loses it, and launches his tongue at the first fly.
Cowgirl snatches Frog-man's tongue with ease and pulls him down to her level.
BOOM.
Frog-man's head bursts apart. Cowgirl smoking pistol takes its place.
BANG, a door on the other side of the room flies open, a Gunslinger jumps out.
BOOM.
The Gunslinger holds her genital area and drops to the ground.
The Cowgirl stands pround, eye twitching and gun smoking.
Cowgirl
Whoops. I'm used to shooten dudes.
Behind the Cowgirl a puff of smoke suddenly appears. Out of the smoke jumps out a Ninja Wizard. This Ninja Wizard waves his magic katana towards the Cowgirl.
POOF.
The Cowgirl disappears. Soon after the Ninja Wizard disappears as well.
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????..........N/A........ LOAD........ERROR.........??????????
?????????????.......EXITING......... ...????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
4.
FADE IN.
INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - DANCE HALL ON SCREENA dance hall is full of leprechauns. The DJ is spinning the same beat on repeat. The leprechauns all dance.
Leprechaun #1 dances by the mirror. His gaze watches his every move. His smirk sends a tingle down his spine.
Leprechaun #2 dances behind Leprechaun #1. His glare watches his every move. Leprechaun #1's knees quiver.
Leprechaun #3 dances in the bathroom. Her fists send shock waves throughout the stalls. She echoes the halls with her mighty roar.
Leprechaun #4 dances by the bar. She inhales beer at an unruly pace, often spilling such drinks on her self.
Leprechaun #5 dances by the wall staring at his phone. He yawns.
Leprechaun # 6 dances across the floor, humping every other Leprechaun as she passes them. No one seems to notice.
Leprechaun # 7 dances very sneakily taking every one's bottles as they finish their beers. He hides them in the corner.
In the middle of the dance hall, hanging from the ceiling by his foot, is Steve, an average looking man.
Steve yawns.
INT. TV - CLOSE UP to 360 TURN - BLAND ROOM
The Camera Man pulls back from the TV set. Angle on BLAND ROOM. POV SHOT.
Pulling back from the TV, the Camera Man turns out facing the other side of the room. There sitting on a chair is Augustus, he's wearing a fake mustache.
Frank, the Pineapple sits by the wall. He's puffing on a hookah.
Steve paces back and forth on the other side of the room. He seems bored as he paces. Shoulders slumped over, back slightly bent.
The Camera Man walks over to Steve. He reaches his arm towards Steve. In the Camera Man's hand is a gun. Steve stares into the camera. The camera nods. With a SIGH, Steve takes the gun.
Steve while staring into the camera slowly fades away. His composure as it happens does not change.
FADE OUT.
5.
INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - FIELD
Out in a grassy field and standing by his lonesome on a cold night, is Steve, an average looking man. He stands bare, no clothes to be seen.
Steve yawns. He's bored.
Out past the fence, SHOUTING can be heard. It's a farmer and his boy. What's that in the Farmer's hand?
It's a shotgun.
The Farmer aims his gun towards Steve.
Farmer
I'm gunna shoot that damn queer.
The Farmer's Boy is shocked.
Boy
Dad, you can't!
Farmer
Can't what?
Boy
You can't say queer anymore, dad.
The Camera Man pulls back from the TV set. Angle on BLAND ROOM. POV SHOT.
Pulling back from the TV, the Camera Man turns out facing the other side of the room. Standing on a chair in the middle of the room is, Steve an average looking man. He's stroking a cat with a dull look about him.
A door on the side of the room , KNOCKS. The Camera Man, walks over to answer the door. The door is opened out of view.
Steve is on the other side of the door. He seems bored. The Camera Man takes a step back, and turns to the middle of the room. There in the middle of the room is a cat, a rather odd looking cat, standing on a stool. The cat is stroking Steve.
The Camera Man turns back towards the door.
Steve, who is holding a gun and bearing a wide smile. takes up the whole frame.
BANG.
No comments:
Post a Comment