It's 7 A.M., A rather dreadful hour, where one has to launch themselves out of a peaceful sleep, shamble along through the autopilot processes and hope they come out on the other side of the door looking somewhat respectable. Or one just says fuck it and walks out right from bed. My autopilot must of broke. Can't get this hair thing down, caveman for the day it is then.
Breakfast consists of a puff from the pipe and a large coffee. Been enjoying this combo. All of a sudden that mad rush of needing to get out the door doesn't seem so bad. Although it's only been three days now that I've had to partake in such rushes, as my 54 week vacation has come to a sudden halt. Unless of course you count a screenwriting course every Monday as 'working'. Oh what's one to do with themselves when they're forced to partake in this portrait of a life. How many times has one found himself here? Stuck in a repeating pattern.
"4, probably."
Oh, thank you Augustus. 4th time the charm I guess? 'What happens twice is bound to happen a third', so now here at the 4th time is when something different will occur? A pattern is broken... Guess we'll see. |Although my head is pretty clear, as all throughout my past is filled with anxiety and doubt. While I wanted to find a new way, I doubted every step and I just ended up in a loop. Work, money, boredom, drugs, escape, crash. Only this time I manage to avoid the crash. The loop is broken. As scary as it might sound I do have to attribute drugs to part of my loop breaking. Through studying I have found a way to turn them therapeutic on an insanely deep level. Couldn't advise it for everyone though. A choice of drugs is a life long choice and unfortunately they're not for everyone. But it is in my best intentions to help any research into what all these substances can do to help us, especially all natural plant based 'drugs'. All of you wouldn't want to know what I know about pharmaceutical drugs in their current state. I remember a Professor, on his last days before retirement, speaking to a class room full of eager future counselors and psychologists. He spoke on the current state of mental health and how we just sweep these people under the rug. Pills for everyone. We know nothing about what causes these conditions of the mind. Anxiety, depression, schizophrenia. All of them, research has only gone into how to mask the problem. These are human beings given pills which have been found to increase suicidal thoughts. 40% success rate... We know nothing. The Professor asks us to change this in any way we can. He asks us to care about our patients if we make it that far. It scares me that this where we are. The only way anyone in the public would of known about what this Professor told that class, would be if they had access to Scientific Journals and knew how to decipher them. How fucken ridiculous is that. That day sort of sparked a fire within me and has fortunately led to me doing quite a bit of research into natural aids. Like Magnesium. In it's right form, magnesium is a huge anxiety killer. After striking gold with that tid bit my life has improved greatly.
Now I'm participating in a study for the Macquarie University. They want to find what effects micro dosing psychedelics on a regular basis will have on someone. Previous research have found magic mushrooms to have an anti-depressional affect. I'm to eat 0.05 grams every 3 days. Simple enough. An amount that small isn't likely to have a large effect on your psyche. I'm rather intrigued into any benefits this could possibly have.
My first day went pleasantly. Started as usual. Around 12:15 I took my medicine. After an hour or so, my thoughts came to me in clear fashion. Almost as if I was giving myself a proper lecture. I feel bubbly, but productive. 2:30 my phone goes off as I try to meditate. The Boss would like me to babysit the new building until a nice man comes and lights the pilot light. I'd rather meditate but I guess so. Cultured life takes away our simplest forms of free will. Oh well gotta blend in for now. The rest of the day was quite peaceful. Traffic didn't bother me. Sitting in the heat, I decide to listen to brighter souls than myself. I feel like I'm going to enjoy this study. Here's a link if any of you want take a mild left turn and help out some research.
https://mqedu.qualtrics.com/jfe1/form/SV_dmS8MdOxRred0Dr?source=uniweb
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https://www.facebook.com/Samson-Jay-1629953780648694/
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