Steve, The Super Special Collection Edition #14 - 16 Conclusion

Written by Samson's Good Friend Jamie

14.

FADE IN.                                                                

INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - BLAND ROOM

Steve, an average looking man, sits in a chair. The room he is in is rather bland, and small. He's sitting in the middle of the room.

Across from Steve is a TV set.

Steve blinks slowly. He seems bored, due to the War on the TV.

The channel is flipped. Buildings exploding.

The channel is flipped. Sweet little bunny rabbits tossing grenades at grasshopper houses.

In the back corner of the room, Augustus sits, the Audience CHEERS.

Augustus

Hey Steve. Could you change the channel? I've seen this one.

Steve's dull gloat turns into a prosperous smirk. He even chuckles. Out of his pocket Steve pulls out the remote. He walks over to Augustus. 

Steve puts the remote to Augustus's head. With a maniacal giggle, Steve rapidly pushes next channel. The Audience GASPS, as Augustus starts to shake. 

The whole room stutters. 

Suddenly everything is reset. 

CUT TO.

FADE IN.                                                                

INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - TOWN SQUARE

Steve, an average looking man, is surrounded by Bananas performing their national ballet in Town Square.

Their Leader walks up to a podium.

The Bananas CHEER. 

The Leader holds up the national sword of Banananananaton. 

The Bananas CHEER louder. 

The Leader holds up the second national sword of Banananananaton 

The Bananas CHEER even louder. 

The whole ballet stutters. 

Suddenly everything is reset. 

CUT TO.

FADE IN.                                                                

INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - CONGO JUNGLE

Steve, an average looking man, is running away from a mad pack of dingoes.

Steve leaps over fallen trees. He dashes past prickly bushes and slides through nasty mud. But the dingoes keep chasing.
 Narrator: "See, no one knew the Congo had dingoes. That is because the Congo dingo learned the master Lizard arts of sneakiness. "

The dingoes split up, and take to  the trees.
Narrator: "Seems these dingo plan on using the scissor technique to cut this poor chap off. He's surely dead. Well,tomorrow we're chasing some snakes around me mom's garden. Tune in."

The whole jungle stutters

Suddenly everything is reset.

CUT TO.

FADE IN.                                                                

INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - SPACE - FLYING SAUCER

Steve, an average looking man, is hammered behind the wheel of a flying saucer. Galactic police are closely chasing him.

Steve loads his hand gun, which is literately his hand.

The Police start shooting at Steve's ship.

Steve takes a huge gulp of whiskey, kisses the imaginary galactic hottie, and smashes a side window open. He is immediately sucked through the window, as the vacuum of Space rips him out of the space ship.

Steve shoots his hand gun the entire time he is sent flying, until the police are out of view.

The whole galaxy stutters.

Suddenly everything explodes and a backdrop falls. Behind the backdrop is the set of a Bland Room.

INT. TV - CLOSE UP to 360 TURN - BLAND ROOM

The Camera Man pulls back from the TV set. Angle on BLAND ROOM. POV SHOT.

A fist knocks the camera onto the ground.

Steve, an average looking man wearing his gold chain, favorite shades and the coolest jacket you've ever seen, stands over top of the camera. Augustus floats by his side, bearing a wizardly beard.

FADE OUT.

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*.

FADE IN. 

INT. MOON CASTLE 

The majestic Moon Castle is throwing it's annual Moon Disco. BEATS. Lasers. Strobes. Lizards cover the floor, dancing their skinny legs off.

At the top of a stair case, Lord Dolphius Sillynoiseius, the Ninja Wizard Dolphin, now residing in his Lord Wizard suit, slides down into the crowd, who all CHEER. Upon landing, Lord Dolphius shoots lightning out of his hands, lighting a tall candle sticking out of the ceiling.

Lord Dolphius leaps behind the dj deck, and with a snap of his fingers, Lord Dolphius starts the disco balls, and the DEEPEST, DARKEST HOUSE MUSIC fills the castle.

The crowd goes wild.

Tequila is poured all around. Cheers are given and shots are slammed back. The BEATS continue.

CRASH.

A rocket crashes through the side wall. Landing on the back end of the dance floor. The cockpit door flies off, smoke pours out. Lasers follow. Slowly a TROPICAL HOUSE BEAT vibes into the castle from the rocket.

Through the smoke, a dj deck lifts up from the cockpit. It's a DJ, an average looking DJ except her right eye has a random twitch. Next to the DJ is her best pal, George the T-Rex. They're playing a back to back set.

Lord Dolphius glares at the duo, who are obviously challenging him.

BEAT vs. BEAT.

DEEP vs. TROPICAL.

Sound waves pound the dance floor. Green Lizards smash their tequila and groove to the TROPICAL. Blue Lizards take offence and begin battle dancing on the DEEP side. It's now a dance war. Lizard vs Lizard. BEAT vs BEAT.

George jumps down onto the dance floor. A circle is formed. George enters the circle. He performs his famous shuffle. The crowd goes wild.

Lord Dolphius sets his deck to autoplay mix master 2000. He then enters the circle.

Dance off.

George strikes first. His shuffle turns into a dirty randy.

Lord Dolphius counters with the macky facky.

Doodle dops. Turny mernies. One by one, these contenders match moves. That is until Lord Dolphius pulls out the twisty mcdapper flapper. George is sent flying. THUD.

Watching from a perch above the floor, is the GRAND MASTER Dolphin. He bears an elderly beard filled with wisdom beyond the stars. He also holds a staff. A silly staff.

Grand Master

Finish Him!

The TROPICAL MUSIC suddenly stops. The DJ reaches out for her friend. 

DJ

No!             

Lord Dolphius grabs George and holds tightly with his flippers. He then focuses to channel chi through his blow hole. And BOOM! Lord Dolphius evaporates George with a magic blast. 

BANG!

The DJ attempts to blast off Lord Dolphius's balls but he only laughs it off. It had no effect. 

Determined, the DJ jumps into the circle. She lands with clenched fists. 

Lord Dolphius stares down the DJ. 

Grand Master

Begin!            

The DJ dashes to her opponent. She jumps and sends her fist straight into Lord Dolpius's face, but he fazes into thin air and pops up behind her. 

BAM!

The DJ is sent crashing to the ground. She picks herself up and Lord Dolphius comes in with a flipper chop. He laughs as she's barely able to sit up. 

The DJ pulls out her gun. Lord Dolphius responds with a MANIACAL SILLY SOUND. 

BANG. 

The bullet hits the candle hanging from the ceiling, which drops right on top of Lord Dolphius covering him in wax. 

BANG. 

The DJ shoots a Mime, juggling cacti, in the testicular region, thus causing him to drop his cacti. One of which falls onto the wax covered Lord Dolphius, freezing the wax in an instant. 

Grand Master 

Finish Him!     

The DJ jumps up onto the Grand Master's perch, she seems to bear a maniacal smile. Grabbing hold of the Grand Master, she tosses him onto the dance floor. The DJ jumps down and lands beside the Grand Master who is trying to crawl away. 

The DJ snaps her fingers and points towards two Lizards. 

They run off and grab the royal cannon. 

The DJ laughs and laughs and laughs as she shoves the Grand Master into the cannon. Once he's tightly nested in the back, the DJ walks behind the cannon. 

With one last smile, she lights the cannon and BOOM! The Grand Master explodes into Lord Dolphius, blasting both of them into pieces. 

The DJ nods her head, and walks over to a priceless Moon vase. She then walks over to George's ashes and scoops him into the vase. 

The DJ exits the castle, and walks out toward the sun rise over the horizon. 

FADE OUT.

15.

FADE IN.                                                                

INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - EVIL CASTLE

Steve, an average looking man wearing a gold chain, his favorite shades and the coolest jacket you've ever seen, kicks open the front doors to the Evil Castle.

Lizard Knights run towards the door spears aimed for Steve's chest.

Augustus floats in behind Steve, and uses his mind magic to make the Lizards trip and accidentally stab themselves. His beard grows two more inches.

Steve nods at Augustus, and loads his hand gun, which is literately his hand.

Up some stairs, Lizard Ninjas attempt a surprise attack, but Steve shoots them without hesitation. They fall dead. Augustus floats right over them. A negative chi forms around Steve, so he takes a deep breath, and allows his chi to balance out.

At the top of the staircase lies a sign, which reads: "Elevator to the left."

Over to the left is a Lizard dressed as a clown, waving as he snips the elevator wire and sends himself flying to the top floor.

To the right are some stairs. On the stairs were merchants trying to sell some 'cheap' goods, to send their children to the Good Castle. The whole way up, 372 floors, were merchants. Some had boots, some had wooden carvings, but only one had a limited edition Frank, the Pineapple action figure. One would need to know the password to obtain, Steve did not know the password. Thus he was sent on his way to continue up the stairs.

Once Steve reaches the top of the stairs, he runs into a line of cacti. Steve has no patience for a line. Negative chi builds up within Steve, and he fires into the ceiling. The cacti waiting in line all scurry off. Each step he takes, a shot is set off. Augustus floats in behind.

At the front of the line is a small door. Next to the small door is a massive door. Next to the doors is a desk. At the desk is a Lizard. She's on the phone. Seeing Steve, she attempts to get his attention, but Steve flips her off.

Augustus blasts open the small door with mind powers. Steve walks through.

On the other side, in the room, The sinister Television is painting his face in the mirror. Tall suit, and clown get up. The Audience LAUGHS.

The Sinister Television snaps his fingers.

CUT TO.

INT. BLAND ROOM

Steve, an average looking man, is standing on top of a cactus blowing bubbles with a penguin, in the middle of the room. 

The TV is sitting on the ceiling in a chair. He seems bored watching Steve. 

The TV calls someone. 

KNOCK. KNOCK. 

The TV's Pal, the Remote opens the door on the ceiling and walks in, high-fiving the TV. 

The TV, nudges the Remote and then points at Steve on the cactus. The Remote bursts out in laughter. But is quickly slapped by the TV. The remote then proceeds to hit his next channel button. 

Nothing happens. 

The Remote keeps hitting the button, but nothing happens. Panic takes hold in the Remote. He knows far too well, what his master will do. 

The TV stands up. Snapping his fingers, he calls out for little Lizards to rush out a gun. 

The gun is held up to the Remote. TV LAUGHs a little. 

BANG. 

The Remote falls to the ceiling. The TV turns back to his chair, and sits down. 

CRASH.

The door comes flying open. It's Steve, an average looking man wearing a gold chain, his favorite shades and the coolest jacket you've ever seen. By his side is Augustus floating idly and bearing a majestic beard. 

In Steve's hand is a large battery. A typical battery you would find in a remote. He squeezes the battery and sends his chi well into the positive. 

Augustus uses his mind blast on the TV. But the TV blocks it with a mind blast of it's own. 

Steve goes in a for a flying side kick. But the TV blocks it with a middle finger. 

The TV laughs manically and turns his channel dial to 11. Negative chi flows into the TV. The world stutters, and flashes various colors. 

Steve focuses all his energy in a deep breath. Positivity turns his right hand blue. Negativity turns his left hand red. 

Augustus focuses all his energy into Steve with some sort of mind thing. 

Steve's hands burst with energy, and he slams them together to create The Ultra Purple Cannon Hand. 

KABOOM! 

A massive purple blasts shoots from Steve's hand cannon and explodes onto the TV. 

The TV, attempts to stand through the energy blast, but he's quickly sent flying. 

CRASH. The TV lands on the wall. The room returns to normal. The 11 fades away, and the dial CLICKS back to 10. The room gets rather funky. 

Steve walks over to the TV. He raises his hands to finish him off, but the TV wakes up. Brushing some dust off himself, reveals the dial goes to 12. 

CLICK. 

The TV boots Steve, and Augustus out through the wall. 

FADE OUT.

16.

FADE IN.                                                                

INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - EVIL CASTLE'S THRONE ROOM

Steve, an average looking man wearing a gold chain, his favorite shades and the coolest jacket you've ever seen, is sent flying to the floor out of a snow globe sitting beside the throne. Closely behind Steve is Augustus, bearing a magical beard of 13 inches.

THUD. They land hard on the ground.

Upon the throne, appearing out of thin air, is the Sinister TV, wearing clown makeup and a tall suit of course.

Sinister TV grasps the snow globe. He gives it a nice little shake.

A closer look shows it's Steve, an average looking man, sitting in a chair and watching TV, within the snow globe.

Steve and Augustus stand up. They give each other a mental high-five.

Augustus begins a CHANT, he learned from an ancient tribe of buffalo. His chi bursts with positivity.

Steve eats a mini space ship and shoves the devil's powder up his nose. His chi becomes balanced between negative and positive.

The Sinister TV, pulls out a handful of Franks, the pineapples. He eats a few handfuls, making his negative chi grow into an awful stench. Miniature penguins flying by fall to their death in an instant, just by flying too close to Sinister TV.

Steve attempts to shoot Sinister TV,  but it does no good.

All the penguins falling to the ground, begin to violently shake. They stand back up and fly towards Steve, exploding on impact.

Steve lunges out of the way, grabbing Augustus on his way.

BANG. BANG. Steve starts to shoot down the kamikaze penguins.

Sinister TV snaps his fingers, and Steve is sent into a nightmarish world within his own mind. Lizards laugh constantly. Feels like a pipe being forced through his head. Grinding in and out.

Steve takes out his hand gun. Slowly he brings it to his head. It appears he's trying to fight such action.

Steve takes a deep breath and snaps his fingers. A bottle with a large X on the label appears in Steve's hand. Augustus appears to stop Steve. Using his mind powers, Augustus grabs the bottle.

Augustus RATTLES the bottle of X.

One of the Franks hears and rushes towards the bottle. Augustus grabs the Frank and smacks him silly.

Concentrating, Augustus makes mushrooms grow all over the Frank. Steve focuses everything he has, to break free from the mental attack for a few seconds. With a snap of his fingers, Steve puts a "THANK YOU" note onto the Frank.

With one last deep breath, Steve takes the Frank, puts all of his energy into a mighty throw.

The charged Frank lands right into Sinister TVs mouth, as he ingests another hand full.

KABOOM! Positive energy bursts through the Sinister TV, whose chi is shattered.

Steve utilizes the moment, and focuses everything he has left into a Omega Purple Sword of Death Sometimes.

With a faint ROAR, Steve plunges the sword into the TV's screen, SHATTERING the TV's shield. Inside bears his beating peanut, his life force living off negative energies.

Steve takes in the moment. But after a quick second, he shrugs and blasts the peanut to dust with his hand gun.

He walks over to Augustus and they share a respected mental high-five.

Steve smashes the snow globe, and eats Steve, an average looking man.

Steve takes a seat on the throne with a joyful smile across his face, he deserves some rest.

CUT TO.

EXT. FOREST

Steve walks along a gorgeous path filled with lovely flowers and friendly cacti. Wizards flying by wave with cheer. Devils nod with respect. And fairies giggle with lust. Even the Lizards remain in their trees, cowering. 

Steve couldn't be happier. Augustus floats by his side. He has his gold chain, his favorite pair of shades, and the coolest jacket you've ever seen. There's a glow about Steve, which affects all those around. 

Upon this walk, Steve trips over an Ant carrying an Apple. The Ant shakes his leg in anger, as Steve sent the apple two feet down the path. 

Another Ant bumps into Steve's foot as he's lying on the ground. This one is carrying a baby devil. 

Steve seems confused, when out of the trees, lands a lovely Moon-Witch. She begins to speak with frustration towards the ants, as if Steve and Augustus weren't there. 

Shaking her fist, the Moon-Witch sends the Ants back to their job. Steve stands up and taps her on the shoulder. 

She turns around and they lock eyes. Steve immediately loses all thought. They stand there awkwardly staring. 

Augustus

Uh, hello? 

The Moon-Witch holds out her hand to Steve,

Moon-Witch

Hi, I'm Lilly. 

FADE OUT.

EPILOGUE

EXT. MAGICAL CARNIVAL

Steve and Lilly have lived a wonder life, of which not even Augustus could understand. Despite their growth in age, they bore wide smiles. 

Today, the three of them have decided to go to the carnival in Magic Town. 

They decide to take a shortcut to the roller coaster of endless looping. 

Upon this short cut, they come across a crippled clown sitting down in a chair. Beside the clown is a TV set, all taped up playing static. 

The Clown grows a smile. 

Clown

So, care to play again?

The Two-Faced Kid

The Two - Faced Kid 



Out in the beautiful mountains of British Columbia lies a rather peculiar small town resting in a valley. The streets of this town were filled with thugs and priests, providing easy routes to find God or crime. Within this town, some time in the 90's, a lady defied the words of doctors and gave birth to a boy.  To her, he was a miracle. But to the rest of the town, this boy was odd. He never could fit in. No matter how hard he tried, he would not be accepted. He was destined to be an outsider. Unfortunately this would be a plague upon the boy's mind. All he wanted was to be included, but for a reason unknown to him he was always tired, unable to socialize. Those around him would attempt to engage him, but the Boy couldn't pull out anything of interest to them. He would have his small band of friends, which for the most part would be perfect for him. That is until the Devil came along and gave this boy a gift. The gift of energy. Suddenly the boy would be full of life, laughing away his problems. People would start to gather around the boy for he could entertain them like a court jester, displaying the truth of the world unbeknownst to all those around him, who would laugh and laugh. All the positive attention put a bright smile on the boy's face. People loved him. Little did he know, the Devil's gift came with a cost. All this energy would leave from time to time, and the boy would be back to being tired. At first it was no problem. Sleepy some days, full of life others. Seemed like perfect balance, until he graduated. Suddenly his bursts of energy came with a craving. Perhaps this is due to the fact the beast of lust was forced upon him at a young age, or maybe it was simply his destiny.

Upon graduating, our Boy's life would be tossed into the unknown. He left all he knew and started down a path of excitement, following his high-energy self towards a life of endless fun, or so it would seem. He met countless new people, who all adored him. Along with these new friends, he also met an addicting poison, alcohol. All those around him would be full of astonishment as our Boy would drink and drink and drink until the rivers ran dry. No one knew how he did it. In such a high energy state it came easy to the Boy. Almost like drinking water. And the more he drank, the more all those around loved him, thus fueling his flame. Then one week he would crash, and run away to his old friends. The very life drained from him. He had no idea why.
"How could someone be so sad, when all those around him show nothing but love?", the Boy would think. Such thoughts would hinder the Boy, sending him into anxiety. For days he would try to shelter himself.
"The people don't want to see a sad clown.", he would ponder. Those around him must not of known, for they would try their hardest to get the Boy to come out and have some fun. So he would force it. Now, such poisons as alcohol had another purpose. The Boy needed a mask. The last thing he wanted for all those around him, was for them to feel as he felt. Sadness. That is until the Devil's gift would spark again, and suddenly the Boy would forget what it even felt like to be sad. Nothing could take him down from his mountain, and he would spread his energy as far as he could. For the smile of others brought about a smile within his heart, which would often lay dormant in the cold.

Whenever he crashed, his old friends were the perfect fit. Restful days full of joking and no need to impress. It was like a break from the courts for this jester. Yet when ever the gift would kick in, the Boy would need stimulation, excitement. His gift would drive him further and further down the highway of sin. And he loved every minute of it. Over time the Boy would grow distant with his old friends. He couldn't just sit down all day and relax anymore. Thus he made the decision to see where his new friends would take him. For he was addicted to adventure and his gift gave him the perfect personality to explore. Soon he would be surrounded by those who liked the taste of illicit substances. The Boy would fit in perfectly. All of these people, full of life and energy, just like how the Boy felt whenever the gift would come around. It really didn't take long for the Boy to realize he could eat ecstasy whenever he crashed, and feel like he was always graced with his gift. His friends would grow and grow, as would his love. He was happy. No longer would he be forced to cycle through pure joy and dreadful sadness. The Boy even found a good friend who seemed to understand him, and would join him on all his silly adventures.

Sadly this new found freedom was just another gift from the Devil, and he would crash harder than he has ever crashed before. His own soul had to show him what such reckless decisions could lead to, like death. The Boy had tip toed far too close to the other side, and now his sadness would last the longest it ever had. Sudden realization, like taking a sledge hammer to the face. He had thrown himself off of his mountain. For months, maybe even years, the Boy tried to climb back up to the top of his mountain, but his choice of paths were undesired by those around him, so he locked himself away, out of town. Here in solitude he would break himself down, and whenever his gift would make an appearance, the Boy would be forced to stay up all night, alone with his own demons.

The Boy found a solution in solitude. He would become the best possible person he could. Now his adventure would become internal. He would explore his mind, body and soul. For he must know why he was given such a gift and how to remain at a happy medium. His first step was diving head first into University. Such desires of money and status would be put to the side. "What good can money do, if one is always sad or restless?"
The journey would begin. Once again the Boy would launch himself into the foray of the public. Only now, his lower energy state had a purpose. Knowledge. Together the Boy's two states would allow him to learn through schooling and experience. While feeling low, he would study. While feeling high, he would throw himself into new worlds. Crime, spirituality, bodybuilding, music, all was accessible to the Boy. And he would surely explore all he could, as everything in life was of an interest to him. Everything he dove into, would give him knowledge most people wouldn't have the chance to truly understand. Except relationships. Both friendships and romance would come as a hardships for the Boy to maintain. Over the years of studying himself would come to understand why he has such relationship problems. Living within a single body is a calm nerd who is happy in isolation, and an out of control animal. When he was depressed he would push those who loved him away, and when he was fully manic he would scare them away. Luckily he had brief moments between states where people would love to be around him. It seems the more he understood himself, the greater of distance he would have with those he loved to be around. A new plague would run across his mind,
"Am I crazy?"
All those around him display faces of unsure fear. Even the one who he thought understood, seems to have lost his favor for the Boy. Now he sits alone fighting another battle, wondering when his gift will pop back up. When will he have another week of sleeplessness, followed by a sudden crash and days of lacking the ability of getting out of bed? Will he have to leave town?  At least now he knows what is going on within his brain, such thoughts of insanity make no sense within sobriety. He's not crazy, his energy levels and mood just fluctuate outside of his control. One day his body is drained but his heart thaws, until his body rages with energy and all the while his heart refreezes. A duel life is all he can live, as every attempt to explain what he is going through is shut down by those around him. This makes one half full of sadness, while the other half couldn't care less, for he knows life is rather easier when one is free to understand their own well-being, others who decide to not understand, aren't needed. That is until the crash comes and all he wants is for those he loves to understand.

All the Boy has to do, is not let his lower state end it all, for he has lots of life left in him. He just can't bear the sight of what his mental states does to those around him. Once again he is set upon his path. A jester released to show the world, positivity and the truth. For if he can drag himself out of such damp pits of despair, he can shine a light for those who are suffering. The battle will never end, but with a well taught general this Boy will no longer be pushed further away from the front line.

We are warriors.
We are lovers.
We are the damaged and the lost.
Forever at war.
Always seeking peace.
Grown within Hell, we learn to crawl our way to Heaven.
With one hand we fight
and with the other we love.

- Kenneth J Good, Warrior set free to march upon his path.

Steve, The Super Special Collected Edition # 11 - 13

Written By: Samson's Good Friend Jamie 

11.

FADE IN                                                                

INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - BLAND ROOM

Steve, an average looking man, sits in a chair. The room he is in is rather bland, and small. He's sitting in the middle of the room.

Across from Steve is a TV set.

Steve blinks slowly. He seems bored, due to the static on the TV.

The channel is flipped. Static.

The channel is flipped. Static.

KNOCK. KNOCK.

The side door opens. It's Augustus!

Augustus
Hey Steve. Could you change the channel? I've seen this one.

The Audience roars in LAUGHTER.

Steve holds the remote to his head. CLICK. A mustache appears on Steve's face. CLICK. Mustache gone. Now it's a tie. CLICK. Afro. CLICK. Sport Cap. CLICK. Shades. 

AUDIENCE: "ewooohhhhh." 

Augustus sits next to Steve. 

Augustus

C'mon now. You know what I meant. 

Steve holds the remote to his head. CLICK. BOOM, Steve's head explodes. 

CUT TO.

INT. BLAND ROOM ON FIRE

Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite shades kicks down the door to the Bland Room. He rushes over to a another Steve lying unconscious in the middle of the room. Sleeping next to Steve is Frank, the Pineapple.

Ninja Pineapples block his path. Steve must battle the pineapples. 

Steve attempts to use low kick. But the pineapples roll to the side. Every shot is a miss. The Pineapples attack back by lighting one of their own on fire and throwing it at Steve. Very ninja. 

A quick moon walk avoids disaster. Luckily, Steve ponders a secret move and snaps his fingers. Within an instant the door KNOCKs.

Steve answers the door. It's a Pizza Chef, who seems rather insane. Drool flows out of his gaping mouth as the Pizza Chef notices the pineapples. The Pizza Chef channels all his insanity into his nun-pizza-cutter-chucks.

BAM. POW. SLICE. 

The defeated Pineapples echo a death call: " WERRRRRAAAHEHEEHEHEEEFFFFFFFFLLLEE"

With a Sicilian kiss, the Pizza Chef exits the room. 

Frank, the Pineapple wakes up from his slumber. He ROARS, and EPIC TECHNO FIGHTING MUSIC fills the room. As the beat increases, Frank stares down Steve and swallows pills. An energy field begins to grow around Frank. Negative Chi. 

Steve prepares, deep breaths, gets in tune with the music. 

Frank fires a sneak attack. Suddenly he appears behind Steve, and throws a upper-leaf. Steve blocks, but then Frank grabs Steve and suplex him to the ground.

Frank swallows more pills, making his energy field stronger. Standing on top of Steve, who is lying on top of unconscious Steve, Frank prepares his ultimate move.

Steve is hurting.

KABOOM. Steve is launched through the side of the house, by Frank's Ultimate Pineapple Cannon Of Near But Delicious Doom.

FADE OUT.

12.

FADE IN                                                                

INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - BOWLING ALLEY

A bowling alley is packed full. Every lane full of Spanish Beaver families. One by one they bowl near perfect games, as tonight is the major tournament.

CRASH.

The front door comes flies open. A tall Wooden Man dashes into the bowling alley, he's wearing a large dome head, bearing a dull stare and wide smile. In his hand is a small laser gun.

The Wooden Man runs towards the Spanish Beaver Families, who are all deeply engaged in their tournament.

One by one the Wooden Man lasers the Beavers, ruining the tournament.

Near the end of the alley sits Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite shades. Steve seems bored.

Upon reaching Steve, the Wooden Man stops. Steve bears the peace sign. The Wooden Man watches Steve closely, but side steps past him.

Moving in towards the next Beaver family, the Wooden Man jumps back to face Steve.

BANG.

The Wooden Man falls to the ground. Standing in front of the fallen Wooden Man is Steve, holding a gun. He has a smile across his face.

SIRENS. A small police car comes flooring through the front door. Speeding all the way down to Steve. The car is barely bigger than his shoe.

The tiny car comes to a sudden halt. The doors fly open, and out come tiny guns in uniforms. Steve's gun jumps out of his hand and puts up it's hands, as the Gun Police hold up even tinier guns to arrest Steve's gun.

The Gun Police throw Steve's Gun in the back of their car and they drive off out the front door.

CUT TO.

INT. BLAND ROOM ON FIRE.

Frank, the Pineapple, is throwing a party. He seems quite happy about it too. Steve, an average looking man, is lying on floor unconscious in the middle of the room, which is on fire.

None of the Lizards partying seem to notice Steve on the ground or the fire.

The Lizards smoke large cigars, and drink tequila. Frank djs surrounded by Raptors, real vicious Lizards. Gold chains hide each of the Raptors necks.

Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite shades, tries to sneak into the party through the window. Unfortunately an Umbrella making out with a Coat by such window notices Steve being sneaky. The Umbrella informs Frank.

Frank snaps his leaves and a pair of odd Lizards rolls a catapult into the room. Lizards in bikinis surround Steve. Two Raptors laugh in their approach. No need for their skills with such an easy catch.

The Raptors put Steve onto the catapult, and tie him down. The Bikini Lizards dance and laugh around him, as he's forced to wait.

Frank continues the party.

The BEAT gets faster. Faster. Faster. Faster. And BAM, launch. Frank LAUGHS, as Steve is sent to the heavens.

FADE OUT.

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????..........N/A........ LOAD.......ERROR.........???????????
?????????????.........LOADING..... LILITH........?????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

"He, he, he"

*.

FADE IN.

EXT. SECRET NAZI BASE

A piercing ALARM rings throughout the base, which comprises of a single building with a large window watching a ramp holding a large rocket. The base is surrounded by trees, and the single clearing is heavily guarded and gated. 

Two guards repeatedly retrace their steps by a large wooden gate. A few feet past them stands a third guard holding a bright light, he seems a little dumb. 

A BEAT can be faintly heard. The Guards lose track of where they stepped. 

The BEAT can really be heard now, it's a GROOVY TROPICAL BEAT. 

KABOOM! 

Something beyond the gate explodes. The Dumb Guard knees shake. The two Guards bump into each other. 

The TROPICAL BEAT gets louder. 

KABOOM! 

Another explosion. 

The Dumb Guard is really shaking now. 

KNOCK. KNOCK. 

The Two Guards stare at each other dumb founded. 

KNOCK. KNOCK.

Lady

Uh, hello!

The closer Guard rattles his hand towards the gate handle. 

It's a Lady in a Red Dress, an average looking Lady except her right eye has a random twitch. Perched on her shoulders is a boombox, blasting the TROPICAL BEATS. 

The Lady waves at the guards. They respond by giving each other another dumbfounded look. 

BANG. BANG. 

The Two Guards grab their genital region and fall to the ground. The Dumb Guard shakes his head out of confusion. 

The Lady walks over to the Dumb Guard, smiling as she walks towards him. The Dumb Guard blushes. 

Putting down the boombox, the Lady pokes the Dumb Guard. 

Lady

Hi. 

BANG. 

Before the Dumb Guard could even ponder a thought, the Lady in the Red Dress blasted his balls to the pits of hell. And the Dumb Guard fell over to his dumb death. He bore no dumb children. Thankfully, the Lady thought. 

The Lady WHISTLES, and starts to run towards the rocket. 

THUD. THUD. THUD. 

A T-Rex runs towards the gate. 

A Nazi Scientist runs out from the building, waving his arms at the Lady. 

BANG. 

The Lady in the Red Dress shoots the Scientist in the dick, and doesn't stop running. Her face doesn't even change as she shoots. This one is determined.

The Lady in the Red Dress sits in the rocket beside her trusty pal, George, the T-Rex. 

Lady

C'mon George, these fucks can suck it. 

The cockpit closes, and the deadly duo are sent off into the night sky. 

FADE OUT.

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

??????..........N/A........ LOAD........ERROR.........??????????

?????????????.......EXITING.............????????????????????

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

13.

FADE IN.                                                                

INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - FOREST PATH / CLEARING

Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite shades, is walking down a path. ENTRANCING MYSTICAL MUSIC pounds through the trees.

Steve seems ready for anything.

Not far from Steve is the clearing. Closer he gets, the louder the music becomes. Soon neon flashes fill the tree line.

Upon entering the clearing, Steve enters a new world. A magical world holding a massive psychedelic party.

Wizards circle around Steve as he enters. They giggle away and throw small moon rocks at his head, then fly off bearing their tongues on their escape. 

Past some trees, a group of Lizards huddle in secret. They eyeball Steve as he walks by.

An Elegant  Lady dances by the moonlight. She twirls gracefully, yet she bears no partner. Her face remains hidden behind a pale mask. The lights flip, and she vanishes, as her partner fills her place. A Suave Man, hiding behind the same mask.

By the washrooms, a trio of Devils huddle together. A pair of Fairies walk over and shake their hands.

The MUSIC gets DEEPER, DARKER. The woods become twisted. Shadows come out and play.

Steve is lost. 

Space Monkeys laugh at Steve, they know far too well what he's going through. They laugh and laugh, sending him further down a hole of madness. 

A wooden signs points Steve towards a plump Wizard, who's smoking a pipe, and juggling a globe and a cactus. The Wizard sits in a small hut with no roof. Only three walls and a large pillow. The Wizard signals Steve to come over to him. 

Snapping his fingers, The Wizard summons an animated loaf of rye bread, who carries a silver platter. On the sliver platter is a small bite sized rocket ship. Steve eats the rocket ship. 

In seconds his head begins to shake, and Steve is launched into space. 

CUT TO.

INT. BLAND ROOM ON FIRE. 

Frank, the Pineapple, is making shady deals with some Raptors on the ceiling of the room. Steve, an average looking man, lies unconscious on the middle of the floor.   

Outside through the window, peaks in Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite shades.

Some Lizards smoke cigarettes around Unconscious Steve.

KNOCK. KNOCK. Someone is at the door. A Lizard, with an obviously fake wig on, answers the door. 

No one's there. 

Steve uses this moment to sneak into the room. He prepared by bringing a Lizard mask. 

KNOCK. KNOCK. 

Same Lizard answers the door again. No one. 

Steve uses the moment to launch a sneak attack. He dive kicks the Raptor on the left, and gravity flips. Frank is now on the floor. Steve prepares a rocket ship. 

KNOCK. KNOCK. 

The door flies open. It's a bush. All the Lizards barely notice. Frank attempts to gather his chi, but Steve eats the rocket ship and bursts with positive chi, slowing down time. Steve prepares his fingers into a gun for a finishing blast. 

In a flash, the TV, dressed in business attire, jumps out from the bush and attacks Steve, knocking him unconscious. 

FADE OUT.

If you'd like you could follow me on the social medias. Surreal stories and blogs about anything which might pinch my mind are to follow. 

https://www.facebook.com/Samson-Jay-1629953780648694/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel

https://twitter.com/SpaceMonkeyCorp 

Steve, Super Special Collected Edition # 6- 10

Written by: Samson's Good Friend, Jamie



6.

FADE IN.                                                      

INT. TV SET - CLOSE UP - BLAND ROOM ON SET

Steve, an average looking man, sits in a chair. The room he is in, is rather bland and small, here he sits in the middle of the room.

Steve is wearing a gold chain. His face is hidden as he stares at the ground.

Across from Steve is a TV set. On the TV is static, which sounds like MACHINE GUNS FIRING.

Frank, the pineapple, is passed out behind Steve. A few empty bottles of whiskey sit by him.

Augustus sits in the back corner.

Augustus 

As your attorney, I'd advise you

to lay low for awhile.                 

Steve lifts his head up. There's a smile running across his face. 

CUT TO.

INT. BLAND ROOM

Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite gold chain, is having a party. Strobe lights fill the room every second. Loud BASS MUSIC pounds through the room. 

Butts twerk along the walls, forming a bright rainbow as we circle around the room. Around and around. Until the spinning stops by Frank, the pineapple, who is buying a bag full of the letter M, from a tall lizard. 

Steve is lying down in the middle of the room. He seems so happy, while he stares at the ceiling. The butts start to circle around his head. 

Steve lets go of a small giggle. 'He'. 'He'. 'He'.  

Frank rolls over to Steve, waving off the butts with his groovy leaves. They scatter. 

Frank puts a letter M into Steve's mouth and Steve's grin grows two inches wider. 

Augustus sits by the window. A CRACK of lightning flashes through the window, displaying another Bland room. This room is covered in blood. 

Steve shivers. 

FADE OUT.

7.

FADE IN                                                                

INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - CASTLE"S THRONE ROOM.

Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite gold chain, is battling a massive red dragon. Every where within the Throne Room is on fire, except for a wide circle by the throne. The throne is 20 feet tall, and perched on top is the dragon.

In Steve's hands are a machine gun. As the bullets fly out of the gun, Steve bears a wide smile. LAUGHTER pours out of Steve's mouth.

Bullets ricochet off the dragon, who seems to be only growing angrier, as more and more bullets hit it.

LAUGHTER echoes within the room.

Steve stands tall, his gun never stops firing.

LAUGHTER.

The dragon takes a deep breath.

Fire erupts out of the dragons mouth like a volcano giving birth.

Steve is engulfed in fire, but his LAUGHTER never stops, it merely fuels his machine gun.

CUT TO.

INT. BLAND ROOM

In the middle of the room, under a desk, is Steve, an average looking man. Steve is rocking back and forth. He doesn't seem to be happy at all.

 A party is going on around Steve. The MUSIC is confusing, and rather disorientating. Cactus's   bearing disappointed faces form a circle around the desk. They jiggle in a laggy fashion almost as if they couldn't be rendered properly. 

LAUGHTER cut across Steve's mind from all angles. He rocks faster. 

Frank, the pineapple rolls over to Steve. Frank is wearing his favorite sunglasses. Out of Frank's groovy leaves pops out a cigarette. 

As Steve grabs the cigarette, it lights up in an instant. Steve takes a puff using his eye, in through one eye and out through the other. 

A small and unsure smile widens across Steve's face. He rocks a little slower. 

The LAUGHTER gets a little quieter. 

FADE OUT.

8.

FADE IN                                                                

INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - PEANUT FACTORY

A well lit factory sprawls across the screen. Machines all roaring at work, and conveyor belts drop off peanuts. The conveyor belts seem to stretch on forever.

At the other end of the warehouse dolphins strapped to tickle machines are pooping onto the conveyor belt. A closer look reveals their poop to be the peanuts.

Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite gold chain, comes flying into the warehouse through an open window.  A grin fills his face.

Steve dive bombs the conveyor belt. With a mighty ROAR, Steve erupts fire out of his mouth as he flies over the peanuts. All the peanut shells burst open as the nuts run for safety.

Landing close to the dolphins, Steve attempts to breath fire onto the dolphins, but the dolphins block the fire with their silly voices.

A Green Dolphin makes a SILLY NOISE, and all peanut shells burst open in the factory. Nuts come charging towards Steve.

In seconds Steve is covered by nuts.

CUT TO:

INT. BLAND ROOM 

Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite gold chain, is sitting on a crate by the back corner of the room. He's cracking his knuckles with a dull grin across his face.

Sitting in a chair in the center of the room is Augustus. He's watching TV. Across from Augustus, over by the wall, is Frank, the Pineapple. He's blowing bubbles while a nice lady massages his leaves.

A bottle of whiskey rolls over to Steve, oddly it's a square bottle.

Steve picks up the bottle, and removes the lid with his thumb. Upon opening the bottle white powder puffs out all over Steve's face, as a Genie floats to his freedom. With a flick of a wand all the white powder is sent up Steve's face.

The Genie nods his head and disappears into a flash of smoke. 

Steve's grin forms a small smile. He stands up and opens the lid to the crate a tiny amount. Out from the crack is disco lights and music. 

Steve bears a pleasant smile. 

FADE OUT.

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

??????..........N/A........ LOAD.......ERROR.........???????????

?????????????.........LOADING..... LILITH........???????????

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

"He, he, he"

FADE IN.

EXT. PREHISTORIC JUNGLE

A Village lies within a clearing in a savage jungle. All the Village folk gather around a statue of a Goddess holding a pistol to the sky.

The Villagers CHEER aggressively.

Some strangling Villagers throw the last stacks of wood, and coconuts full of black powder and a wick.

The Villagers really CHEER aggressively now, as a Runner holding a torch sprints towards the statue.

As the Runner makes it to the statue, about to throw the torch, a mighty ROAR is heard from the tree line.

SCREAMING comes next.

The Villagers run to the edge of their village. 

Burning every hut in sight is a 12 foot T-Rex. Fire bursts out the T-Rex's mouth, and riding on it's back is the Goddess, an average looking Goddess except her right eye has a random twitch. 

The Goddess bursts out in LAUGHTER, as fire spreads all around her. 

The Villagers run in fear. But this only excites the Goddess and her mighty stead, sending them for a thrill of a chase. Villagers fall over to a crispy death. Huts and farms turn to tinder. The Goddess never ends her LAUGH. 

Goddess

AHAHAHA. Eat this you fucks! 

A pair of Villagers try to beg, but the Goddess only feeds them to her friend. 

The Village burns into chaos. 

The Village Chief walks out to the statue, and falls to his knees. Arms spread wide open to the sky. 

THUD. THUD. THUD. 

The Goddess and her T-Rex walk in behind the Chief. 

Goddess

Oh look George, another meal for ya. 

Suddenly a Viking Wizard jumps out from behind the statue. 

BANG. 

The Goddess, quickly shoots the magic arrow out of the Viking Wizard's hand. 

The arrow lands by the Chief, who picks it up and immediately blows up sending him into the base of the statue. 

KABOOM! 

The Chief causes the statue to blow sky high, revealing the full moon. 

The Viking Wizard presses two fingers to his forehead and points to the moon, in full view of the Goddess. 

In a flash the Viking Wizard shoots out to the moon.  

The Goddess barely fazed by all that happened, jumps off her mount and walks over to the ruined heap which used to be her statue. 

A stream of moon light lifts the arrow in front of the Goddess. She takes hold of the arrow and, 

POOF, she's gone.  

FADE OUT. 

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

??????..........N/A........ LOAD........ERROR.........??????????

?????????????.......EXITING.............????????????????????

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

9.

FADE IN                                                                

INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - DISCO BATTLE ARENA

Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite gold chain, is in the dance battle for his life against two Giant Cats with laser meows.

Steve is pulling off his best moves, the jiggly figgly, rolls out to the favlo mablavo. The Giant Cats counter with their laser cheap move #2.

The Judges who are all mice, sit in the back gobbling cheese. They aren't even paying attention.

The score clock says 72-64 Cats. 2 minutes left in the quarter period.

Steve pulls a charming but maniacal grin across his face. In a flash he darts to the sky to pull the ultimate dance move ever possible. The Gamegachunkafloopdamoopdamopdesopdedeglorp majiggy. BOOM. The Giant Cats turn to stone, and the Mice Judges fly into the upper Judges plates, who are all Snakes.

The score board explodes.

WHOOP WHOOP. Police Crabs come rolling into the arena.

WHACK. A baton nails Steve in the back of the head.

CUT TO.

INT. BLAND ROOM 

The room flashes between a deep  purple and a bright neon green. DISCO MUSIC fills the beat. Groovy looking people jiggle to the disco. Frank, the pineapple is being tossed around by a bunch of good looking people. All are cheering. 

Steve, an average looking man is dancing his heart off, sending vibes of joy all throughout his body. Perched on top of his head is a letter M. This M is massaging Steve's head with one pair of hands, and he caresses another pair while grinning to itself. 

Augustus stands by the door. Within a single purple - green cycle he's gone.

Frank, the Pineapple rolls over to Steve. With a small giggle, Frank places a letter M over Steve's heart. Steve starts to jiggle.

FADE OUT.

10.

FADE IN                                                                

INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - HEAVEN

Steve, an average looking man wearing his favorite gold chain, is floating within the clouds. PEACEFUL MUSIC soars throughout the sky from harps of neon.

Steve seems happy. Relaxed.

Just as he starts to doze off, a large portal a few feet away from Steve, is kicked open. A pair of Aggressive Cupcakes come somersaulting out of the portal. Both of them pull out odd guns with multiple large holes in the front.

They march over to Steve, who is too out of  it to know what's going on.

Standing over Steve, the Cupcakes aim their guns. They pull their triggers.

Steve is bombarded with knees and elbows flying out of the guns. But he doesn't feel a thing.

CUT TO.

INT. BLAND ROOM 

Steve, an average looking man, is lying down in the middle of the room. He seems unresponsive, as Frank, the Pineapple tosses glitter and downs tequila. 

A massive fire engulfs the entirety of the room. 

With a zap of lightning, Augustus alongside Steve appear sitting on the ceiling in chairs. Steve is wearing his favorite gold chain. 

Augustus gestures toward the scene playing out in the middle of the room. 

Steve stares at the Steve lying on the floor. His bitter grin turns into a disappointed realization. Shaking his head Steve forms his hand into a gun. 

Putting his fingers to his head, Steve closes his eyes. 

BANG.

FADE OUT.

Steve, Super Special Collected Edition # 1 - 5

Written by: Samson's good pal Jamie.

1.

FADE IN
INT. TV SET - CLOSE UP - BLAND ROOM ON SET

Steve, an average looking man, sits in a chair. The room he is in, is rather bland and small. He's sitting in the middle of the room.

Across from Steve is a TV set.

Steve blinks slowly. He seems bored, due to the static on the TV.

The channel is flipped. Static.

The channel is flipped. Static.

In the back corner of the room, Augustus his house plant sits.

Augustus

Hey. 

Steve is unfazed by Augustus's words. 

Augustus

Hey Steve. Could you change the channel? I've seen this one. 

INT. TV - CLOSE UP to 360 TURN - BLAND ROOM

The Camera Man pulls back from the TV set. Angle on BLAND ROOM. POV SHOT.

Pulling back from the TV, the Camera Man turns out facing the other side of the room. On the ceiling of the room is a chair. Behind the chair is Steve, an average looking Man. Steve peaks out from behind the chair, and aims his fingers like a gun towards the Camera Man. 

BANG. BANG. BANG. 

The Camera Man jumps to the side of the room and faces the TV. The Police are banging on the TV screen. 

Police

Police. Open up or we'll kick it down.

The Camera Man twists his camera to the right. Augustus takes up the whole screen. He reaches through the screen and covers your mouth. In a soft Arabian accent he speaks:

Augustus 

Shhhh. It doesn't matter. 

FADE OUT

2.

FADE IN.                                    

INT. TV SET - CLOSE UP 

The screen is black, except for bright lasers flashing across the screen. HEAVY TECHNO MUSIC plays. 

The beat gets faster as time goes forward. 

Slowly appearing on the screen. Starting from her golden blond hair down to her studded boots, is a rather large Women. As the screen pans down further, Steve, an average looking man, is sitting with his face to the ground and his butt to the sky. 

The Women is slapping his butt along side the beat of the music. 

INT. TV - CLOSE UP to 360 TURN - BLAND ROOM

The Camera Man pulls back from the TV set. Angle on BLAND ROOM. POV SHOT.

Pulling back from the TV, the Camera Man turns out facing the other side of the room. In the middle of the room is Steve, an average looking man, sitting in a chair. In front of Steve is a table. On the two sides of the table, Frank the Pineapple, and the Camera Man are sitting.

The Camera Man at the table faces the Camera Man in front of  the TV. They stare at each other without movement. 

In the corner of the Shot. Frank pulls out cocaine. 

Frank turns towards Steve.

Steve nods his head upwards. 

The Camera Men are still staring at each other. The Camera Man at the table turns towards the table. Camera Man by the TV centers the SHOT on the table. Camera Man, by the table, puts his camera nose first onto the table. SNORTING can be heard. The camera snorts a line of blow. 

Steve puts his finger onto the table and snorts a line through his finger. He seems bored the whole time he does it. 

A straw pops out of Frank, right under his shades. Frank snorts a line. 

Frank starts shaking. Frank explodes. 

FADE OUT.

3.

FADE IN.                                                   
INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - MOUNTAIN RANGE

A butterfly flies across the screen. The majestic butterfly with wings of snowflakes soars above an active volcano.

On top of the butterfly is Steve, an average looking man sitting in a chair. Steve seems bored.

Out from nowhere, Ninjas jump at Steve. Upon landing, they take turns kicking Steve. High kicks. Low kicks. None of the kicks have an affect on Steve though. He remains bored, he even yawns. The Ninjas don't give up easily though, now they're kicking and punching. High kick. Low punch. Insane combos. Yet, Steve remains bored. Again he yawns.

Steve snaps his fingers. The majestic butterfly nods it's head, and dive bombs towards the lava.

INT. TV - CLOSE UP to 360 TURN - BLAND ROOM

The Camera Man pulls back from the TV set. Angle on BLAND ROOM. POV SHOT.

Pulling back from the TV, the Camera Man turns out facing the other side of the room. There sitting in the middle of the room on a chair, is Steve, an average looking man. Squirrels are playing basketball on top of Steve's head.

Steve sits, lost in thought.

The squirrels can't manage to score a basket.

The Camera Man, grabs a fold-out chair from the side of the room and sits down. His arm appears on the screen as he checks the time. He TAPS his foot.

The door, that's suddenly beside the Camera Man, KNOCKS. Three large men enter the room. They walk over to Steve. One of them holds up a picture of a plant.

Steve shrugs and points his fingers, like a gun, towards the Camera Man. The three men each nod, then walk over to the Camera Man.

One of them holds up the picture of a plant. The screen shakes. The three men frown and give each other a nod.

A punch comes flying towards the screen. Static.

FADE OUT.

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

??????..........N/A........ LOAD.......ERROR.........???????????

?????????????.........LOADING..... LILITH........???????????

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

"He, he, he" 

*.

FADE IN.

INT. WILD WEST - BROTHEL

The front doors to the Brothel fly open. It's a Cowgirl, an average looking cowgirl except her right eye has a random twitch. She bears a silver pistol in one hand and a bottle of x x whiskey in the other. 

Cowgirl 

All right you pervs. Hands off your

dicks, I'm here to rob you.               

A quick scan of the brothel shows the Cowgirl it just so happens to be a female only brothel. With a HMM, the Cowgirl takes a gulp of whiskey. 

The Frog-man behind the bar COUGHS, twice. 

The Cowgirl strolls over to the bar. WHISTLING as she goes. All the Ladies stare at the Cowgirl.

Upon reaching the bar, the Cowgirl leans real close to the Frog-man, and stares into his eye with her twitchy eye. 

Out of her back pocket, the Cowgirl pulls out a jar containing three flies, and holds it up to the Frog-man's other eye. 

Frog-man GULPS. 

A wide smile fills the Cowgirl's face, as she unscrews the jar lid slowly. 

Frog-man can barely hold it in, as he begins to sweat and vibrate with anxiety. 

The lid is off, and the flies escape. 

Frog-man loses it, and launches his tongue at the first fly. 

Cowgirl snatches Frog-man's tongue with ease and pulls him down to her level. 

BOOM. 

Frog-man's head bursts apart. Cowgirl smoking pistol takes its place. 

BANG,  a door on the other side of the room flies open, a Gunslinger jumps out. 

BOOM.

The Gunslinger holds her genital area and drops to the ground. 

The Cowgirl stands pround, eye twitching and gun smoking. 

Cowgirl

Whoops. I'm used to shooten dudes. 

Behind the Cowgirl a puff of smoke suddenly appears. Out of the smoke jumps out a Ninja Wizard. This Ninja Wizard waves his magic katana towards the Cowgirl. 

POOF. 

The Cowgirl disappears. Soon after the Ninja Wizard disappears as well. 

FADE OUT.

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

??????..........N/A........ LOAD........ERROR.........??????????

?????????????.......EXITING......... ...????????????????????

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

4.

FADE IN.                                                               

INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - DANCE HALL ON SCREEN

A dance hall is full of leprechauns. The DJ is spinning the same beat on repeat. The leprechauns all dance.

Leprechaun #1 dances by the mirror. His gaze watches his every move. His smirk sends a tingle down his spine.

Leprechaun #2 dances behind Leprechaun #1. His glare watches his every move. Leprechaun #1's knees quiver.

Leprechaun #3 dances in the bathroom. Her fists send shock waves throughout the stalls. She echoes the halls with her mighty roar.

Leprechaun #4 dances by the bar. She inhales beer at an unruly pace, often spilling such drinks on her self.

Leprechaun #5 dances by the wall staring at his phone. He yawns.

Leprechaun # 6 dances across the floor, humping every other Leprechaun as she passes them. No one seems to notice.

Leprechaun # 7 dances very sneakily taking every one's bottles as they finish their beers. He hides them in the corner.

In the middle of the dance hall, hanging from the ceiling by his foot, is Steve, an average looking man.

Steve yawns.

INT. TV - CLOSE UP to 360 TURN - BLAND ROOM

The Camera Man pulls back from the TV set. Angle on BLAND ROOM. POV SHOT.

Pulling back from the TV, the Camera Man turns out facing the other side of the room. There sitting on a chair is Augustus, he's wearing a fake mustache.

 Frank, the Pineapple sits by the wall. He's puffing on a hookah.

Steve paces back and forth on the other side of the room. He seems bored as he paces. Shoulders slumped over, back slightly bent.

The Camera Man walks over to Steve. He reaches his arm towards Steve. In the Camera Man's hand is a gun. Steve stares into the camera. The camera nods. With a SIGH, Steve takes the gun.

Steve while staring into the camera slowly fades away. His composure as it happens does not change.

FADE OUT.

5.

FADE IN.                                                             
INT. TV SCREEN - CLOSE UP - FIELD

Out in a grassy field and standing by his lonesome on a cold night, is Steve, an average looking man. He stands bare, no clothes to be seen.

Steve yawns. He's bored.

Out past the fence, SHOUTING can be heard. It's a farmer and his boy. What's that in the Farmer's hand?

It's a shotgun.

The Farmer aims his gun towards Steve.

Farmer

I'm gunna shoot that damn queer. 

The Farmer's Boy is shocked. 

Boy

Dad, you can't! 

Farmer

Can't what? 

Boy 

You can't say queer anymore, dad. 

INT. TV - CLOSE UP to 360 TURN - BLAND ROOM

The Camera Man pulls back from the TV set. Angle on BLAND ROOM. POV SHOT.

Pulling back from the TV, the Camera Man turns out facing the other side of the room. Standing on a chair in the middle of the room is, Steve an average looking man. He's stroking a cat with a dull look about him.

A door on the side of the room , KNOCKS. The Camera Man, walks over to answer the door. The door is opened out of view.

Steve is on the other side of the door. He seems bored. The Camera Man takes a step back, and turns to the middle of the room. There in the middle of the room is a cat, a rather odd looking cat, standing on a stool. The cat is stroking Steve.

The Camera Man turns back towards the door.

Steve, who is holding a gun and bearing a wide smile. takes up the whole frame.

 BANG.

FADE OUT.

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